They are the most at risk group in the nation. This is who I am. Williams' new. Perhaps part of the beauty of being both a scientist and a human being is admitting that at times there are facts that cannot be disproven. Fifty-six percent of transgender youth have experienced suicidal ideation, compared to 20 percent of their cisgender peers, an alarming number in itself. God says so. I am emceeing the June 24 event, which is always fun. I was depressed about my body and my social life, but had no idea that I wasn't a woman, because I didn't know I had any alternative. I am a little surprised by those who have unabashedly said, Oh, I dont read books. That last one always throws me. We often have dinner together. I was unable to distinguish a difference between me and my brother, despite our parents constantly referring to me as his sister. Aug 17, 2022. After a 2 month medical leave, I returned to work. Gender is only learned environmentally. I joined the service to find who I am, and in the most unexpected way, I did. Like all major tipping points, this change has been bubbling beneath the surface a long time. His historical books read like good fiction. Follow Paula's blog at paulastonewilliams.com. Before then I didn't have a name for what I felt. Nevertheless she spent the first few decades of her life as a married man with children forging a highly successful career in American evangelical . She shares what she's learned about power, sex, and the patriarchy. Oh, said I, That makes sense.. It is that way for everybody. My story is not a story of 'this to that' it is simply one of me affirming the gender I have always been. As a father of three, married to a wonderful woman and holding several prominent jobs within the Christian community, Dr. Paula Stone Williams made the life-changing decision to physically transition from male to female at the age of sixty. I thought that I was completely alone in what I was feeling, that something was severely wrong with me, and that I needed to be "fixed.". While I continue to speak on the ongoing fight for gender equity, I am offering a new talk on what is happening in America with the anti-transgender laws, rhetoric, and repression that are permeating our nation. Ive been contemplating what my next TED talk should be about. I read novels and historical books on my iPhone. But that never stopped me from doing my best to be who I was. Life, though much harder, is much better - much more real. Words cannot express my relief I finally found out there was someone out there just like me. [4] She has hosted several TED Talks, sometimes accompanied by her son, Jonathan Williams. Ive had the privilege of meeting and hearing the stories of other transgender people like me and people who belong to non-western genderslike Indian hijra or Native American two-spirit or Samoan fa'afafine. It is so foreign to anything I have known over the last ten years that it leaves me dumbfounded when people say with a straight face that God expects wives to submit to their husbands. We just happened to be his last clients on his last day. Its not just childrens rights that are being threatened. Longmont Public Library's Authors We Love series is hosting its first in-person event in the for the season with local pastor and international speaker Reverend Dr. Paula Stone Williams on July 26.. Williams will discuss her new memoir, As a Woman: What I Learned About Power, Sex and the Patriarchy After I Transitioned. Enough is enough. A long journey over water clears the mind. Then came 2016. My old way of coping was to make myself invisible. His parents were incredibly supportive, unlike the parents of Leelah Alcorn, who ended her life on the very same day Nicholas and I changed our names. Still contemplating how to live my authentic self. My problem was and still is that describing what it means to be transgender is as painful as being transgender. Reading my sons book would be a threat to your conviction that transgender people destroy their families. Ive been waiting for something new from Sides for a couple of years. It takes hearing peoples stories and being in close proximity to one another to narrow the political divide. Three friends reached out to me just to let me know they are thinking of me. LOUISVILLE After spending 60 years as a man, Paul Williams came out to his family as transgender, becoming Paula. I always wanted to be like Roy, but Ive never managed a book a week. We assumed we would remain together for the rest of our lives. I am comfortable in my own skin, as though I have finally come into my self. I am blessed. We need both groups. He probably still does. I think the object of this one precious life is the pathways you take along the way, the energy you bring to those pathways, and the energies you leave behind. Most people believe that being trans is a sexual orientation, but it's not. Well, at least some do. If my identity is not acceptable, then clearly societies rules need to change. When people step up and people treat each other like human beings and not some sort of scandal, things can go right and there can be a happy ending. A person shouldn't have to prove who they are to you by their personal, private body for you to respect them for who they are. I mean, getting fired by evangelicals after 35 years of good work isnt very funny. But so did other things. I heal each time I play. Cathy received a certified letter with the ominous message, It has been brought to our attention that you and Paula Williams are divorced. With humor, insight, and a surprisingly candid perspective, Paula will increase your understanding, answer your questions, and help you navigate the dangerous cultural waters of sex and gender politics. Our nations future depends on active citizens willing to fight for equality for all Americans. That is what I chose to do with my one fragile and precious life. "I'm here to tell you: The differences are massive.". Transitioning was much tougher than I had expected. For most of her life, Paula Stone Williams . Censoring their feelings, image and actions; many trans folk present an alter ego publicly for fear of discrimination! I would hear the word 'father,' or I'd hear the word 'boyfriend,' 'husband,' 'dad,' and I would gravitate towards it. It kinda shows. Get a daily email featuring the latest talk, plus a quick mix of trending content. I am about as privileged as a transgender person can get, but even I have received an uptick in emails, texts, and other forms of anti-trans rhetoric aimed at me. I did everything I could be as male as I could be but who I was, this girl/woman I am now, just would not, could not, go away. The acceptance received while transitioning on the job directly impacted my confidence and helped me find my voice. Reverend Paula Stone Williams (born 1951) is an American pastoral counselor. They usually think Im at least ten years younger. First, those seeking to retain waning power have always focused on the most vulnerable people, minorities who are powerless. I check my junk file every week and notice I sometimes receive emails from a watchdog group riding herd over evangelical ministries. We were the perfect foil for the right wing Republicans who now have 196 anti-transgender bills pending in state legislatures. I sat on my couch and laughed at the absurdity of the accusation. Books are the legacy of our collective experience. I know Paula's character, so I probably need to study up on what it means to be transgender,' " she recalls. Becoming a psychiatrist and confronting mental and emotional suffering beckoned me to confront my own. Grassroots organizers encouraged evangelicals to run for school boards, local governments, and state legislatures. Williams . You will be required to repay anything paid on her behalf between the date of the divorce decree and the date of the cancellation., Cathy called the next morning and told the administrator of health services that we are, in fact, very much married, and the administrator said, I know youre not because its all over the Internet. Cathy was aghast, Since when did the Internet become the arbiter of what is and what is not true?, The administrator wouldnt listen to Cathy. We only want what you want. The Rev. For 99 percent of them, it is not because they are not happy in their new gender. Other institutions might cover one of those bases, but the church is the only one that covers all four. I spent so much of my life encouraging others to be as themselves, trying so hard to live a life of love. [5] She currently lives in Colorado. All rights reserved. I dont have one scheduled, but I have started thinking about what the subject should be. ", But it did. I really like the writing of Hampton Sides. I was afraid of what would happen to my career; and at heart I was embarrassed. The evangelical bubble makes me chuckle until I realize how much damage is being done to our nation because of evangelical perspectives on gender. Have any of these people actually ever met a transgender person? Self actualization is never easy. Along this path I've seen some of the worst of humanity and become part of a community of Trans-people that love like family. That as a trans leader, offering education and outreach for my community, I'm not afraid to fight. Right now Im reading The Paris Library by Janet Skeslien Charles. We were loyal, thoughtful, and kind with each other, even though we had the same kinds of issues common to all marriages. [3] She now is a pastor at Left Hand Church in Longmont, Colorado. It was this weird wave of emotion. My transgender immigrant journey is unique and not representative of all the struggles of our communities, but I hope to encourage everybody to aspire to a life of authenticity. The idea that we would be on a rampage to destroy property is beyond absurd. Most of the time I wore unisex clothes; always of the female version to prove to people (who would quite often take me for a man) that I was in fact a woman. Now She Fights For Gender Equity", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Paula_Stone_Williams&oldid=1146818712, Short description is different from Wikidata, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, Pastor of Envision Community Church, former CEO of Orchard Group, This page was last edited on 27 March 2023, at 03:57. I buried my secret as deep as I could. But 84 percent of evangelicals believe gender is immutably determined at birth and over 60 percent believe we already give transgender people too many rights. I did not realize how many people saw me as a strong, gentle male presence. Books are reliable companions, keeping you connected to the spirit of the species. I've always been trans in some way-- the feelings have just evolved over time as I've grown. Today, that number is down to 47 percent, a rather precipitous drop. We cry at garage sales. I began questioning if I was trans because I did feel like a man, but it wasn't all the time. Dr. Paula Stone Williams. I keep thinking of the threat we are to society. Now, I feel about some parts of the United States like I feel about fundamentalist Muslim nations in the Middle East. A list of some organizations offering support and information. Paula Williams health insurance will end on January 31, and you are required to send us a divorce decree. ', Trailblazing '90 Day' Star Gabriel Paboga Shares His Journey to Love Since 'Feeling' His Trans Identity as a Kid, Jazz Jennings' Mom Jeanette on Raising a Trans Teen in Florida: 'We Were Prepared to Fly or Drive Anywhere', 'We're Here' Drag Star Eureka O'Hara Comes Out as Trans: 'I Know Who I Am Without Question', Trans Teens in Texas Worry About Losing Access to Health Care: 'I'm Just as Human as Everyone Else', Drag Queen Who Lost Friends at Club Q and Pulse Tells Anti-LGBTQ Lawmakers Blood 'Is on Their Hands', Colorado Springs Police Emphasize Using Correct Pronouns, Names of Club Q Shooting Victims, Disney Family Member Charlee Corra Comes Out Publicly as Transgender, Defends LGBTQ Rights for Kids, Beloved Trans Icon and Activist Mama Gloria Dies at 76: 'Forever in the Hearts of Many', Kim Petras on Finding Success After Being Told She'd 'Never Make It': 'Look at Me Now, Bitches! I am living a happy, proud, and gender fuzzy life these days. If I remember correctly, he said, If it cant be said in 800 words, it doesnt need to be said. At least he granted a few more paragraphs than SBF. I felt that by not being out I was not only hurting my self but contributing to a culture of fear. In some environments, six times that many adolescents currently identify as transgender. Im not sure why that is true, but this time I made five pages worth of notes. I always knew that I was different. Our respect for each other remains, as does our love. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your device and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. We all have a few. I realized that it was finally time to stop wandering down the one path I was walking and move to the path I am destined to finish on. Williams began his work with Orchard Groupin 1979 and became the president and chairman of the group in 1989, driven by a "simple statement of faith.". I got counseling about three months after I found out. But two poems is my quota for a single post, so youll have to look that one up yourself. To truly examine the state of this countrys relations with its own transgender community or even to begin understanding the real-lived experiences of transgender people, we must first examine ourselves. As she passed away in my arms it occurred to me that life is so precious and we all deserve to be happy. Growing up in the most densely Mormon area in the world, I never really understood what transgender meant. It was also a difficult secret to keep, Jonathan explained. It all started in the 1980s with the Moral Majority. Behind closed doors, however, Paul was beginning to embrace a different life as Paula. i started to understand that my gender was fluid, the same way music was. Not anymore. Williams was fired from Orchard Group and from the Christian Standard periodical, where she had worked as the editor. I live my life proudly beyond the gender binary, and even if you think Im just a man in a dress, you better damn well respect me. For Cathy and me, that language is descriptive, but not very helpful. Trans people have a suicide attempt rate of 41 percent, six times higher than any other people group. Figuring out who I am, and living my life with integrity has been the grand challenge of my lifetime. I had to remind them that as the anti-trans rhetoric increases, my chances of reelection dwindle. She is lives in Boulder, Colorado. When his book came out Kanye West famously said he doesnt read books. We must work together to protect the freedom to be who God made us to be. As Paula describes her church's guiding principle: "There's room for us all . My despair had not been caused by the inequities of the world around me, but by my own willingness to sacrifice my true self in order to belong to it. Attending our church is a threat to being able to back up your principals harried call to close the school doors because we are headed en masse to destroy every Christian thing in our path. Some days it felt like my body was becoming increasingly poisoned by my own testosterone. Forty-one percent of transgender people will attempt suicide at some point in their lives. Todays church, at its best, focuses on the needs of refugees, immigrants, children, the LGBTQ+ population, individuals with disabilities, women, the economically disadvantaged, and a plethora of other people groups that have been marginalized. "I rarely talk about my dad's transition publicly but decided it's time to share this story. As I told my parents, isn't it better to have a living daughter than a dead son? As imperfect as the world is today, as hard as it is to be transgender and live an authentic life, it was much worse, not so long ago. Twenty-five years ago, 70 percent of us identified with a local religious body. They always reference my selfishness, the eternity I will spend in hell, and the immutability of gender. I have entire new categories of having been dismissed that I did not have when I did my first talk in 2017. Paula Stone Williams, of Left Hand Church in Longmont, transitioned at age 60. In my opinion, that is a sign of their deep shame about their behavior. Every person, intersex or not, deserves the autonomy to determine and live in the gender with which they identify. I became preoccupied with ways of dying. Without her you would never have taken the road. I kept it a closely guarded secret for the next 28 years while I finished my time in the Air Force Reserve to retire. The only problem is that hes not very prolific. I mean, among other things, that would include destroying my own church. When I tell people I have a trans son, the usual reaction is, How did you deal with it? The truth is that I love my son as much as I loved my daughter. Between novels I read historical books. I was ashamed of how I felt and stuffed down what I thought was a terrible secret, only to be met with open arms and discover affirmation, validation, and love. A number of people have discerned I am in the midst of a difficult struggle. The fight against trans rights isnt so much about Republicans as it is about evangelicals. I've discovered who of my former life truly cares about me, and moreover, I've come to love myself. Like an amoeba under a microscope, Im a living data point. 'Survivor' Winner Nick Wilson Now a State Lawmaker Addresses Backlash for Controversial 'Anti-Trans' Bill, Zaya Wade Lands First Magazine Cover: Fashion Is a 'Really Important Part of Expressing My Identity', 'Harry Potter' Actress Evanna Lynch Weighs in on J.K. Rowling Backlash: 'Give Her More Grace', Childhood BFFs Fall in Love and Marry After One Comes Out as Transgender: 'I Love His Big Heart,' Says Wife, Dwyane Wade, Gabrielle Union Plea for LGBTQ Rights at NAACP Image Awards: 'Will We Fight for All? Transgender adolescents have a suicide completion rate 13 times higher than their peers. Over 300 anti-transgender bills are currently pending in over 35 states. Writing that part of the story was supremely difficult. But, in the end, I found myself. Some books have hardly an unmarked page. These are trying times, and we all have a responsibility to stand up for the basic rights of transgender and non-binary people. Though I never allow my gender status to define me, because above all I am human and my interests expand beyond what the world perceives me to be. Not since my grandmother had told us if we could kiss our elbow we could change sex had I been so excited. Imagine having to wake up every morning wishing you were someone else. (Cathy moved out shortly before Paula's facial feminization surgery in July 2013.). And all of this has happened in less than a decade. If we can fall this far this fast, I am truly frightened about what might come next. It's a lifelong process, something I will never really finish. Discovering that there was a name for what I was, that it was a medical conditionthis was magical. Paula Stone Williams opens up about her new memoir, As a Woman, and her hopes to make amends by spreading lessons of love and compassion, Paula Stone Williams is candid about spending most of her adult life as a prominent male leader in evangelical ministry, which, as she puts it, "teaches the LGBTQ+ population will go to hell unless they give up their sexual identity.". The first wave of the Civil Rights Movement would never have taken place without the church. While our life is not as dark as a Bergman film, Im pretty sure no one but Jane Campion or Martin McDonagh would want to make it into a movie. I was told I'd get over it and regret it. I am now a happy woman, not a miserable "guy" trying to make it just one more day. In a way coming out as a gender neutral, non-binary trans person was more than just claiming who I am, it was also about coming out as one of two twins. Return to homepage. Now, having traveled that road myself, my heart aches for those still blinded by the false doctrine I once believed. Post-pandemic attendance continues to diminish. If I could say something to every trans person out there, it is that you are not alone, it is positive (if not awesome) to be different, and you have mentors and resources (please use us!). The story of a parent's transition and a son's redemption | Paula Stone and Jonathan Williams. Life is difficult. "I will never forget the transgender teen who talked with me after I spoke at my first public event, a PFLAG conference in Boulder. I feel the weight of the responsibility. Even though transitioning is not practical (I am married with grown children and grand kids and still work for the Army) I am out and about. [1] Williams came out as a transgender woman in December 2012.[2]. This is not a rhetorical question. I never say anything to anyone when I know they havent read it, even people to whom Ive given a copy of the book. We enjoy working together and share similar concerns about the priorities of our beautiful town. They place our lives within a context we can understand, one that provides wisdom. Swamplands of the Soul, by James Hollis, is covered with notes and underlined passages from front to back. Just as Paula has forged a new connection with her family, she hopes to impact her world in a new way by supporting other trans people and influencing how evangelical followers view the LGBTQ community. I was not born in the wrong body, although this rings true for so many other transgeneros. Now though, I'm happily married to a woman who loves both aspects of who I am as a person and loves me. Church attendance might be down, but the church will be just fine. I was told that is the common ending to gender issues. Being a transgender person is not a choice as many think. If the church didnt exist, wed have to invent it. Im most fortunate to have is a wife that loves and accepts all of me - both as a male and female. Reverend Dr. Paula Stone Williams is the president of RLT Pathways, Inc., a non-profit providing counseling and coaching services. Women of Today - 2 Paula Stone Williams @paulaswilliams2 is @TEDTalks Speaker on Gender Equity and #LGBTQ Advocacy, Author of the book, As A Woman! Yep. Ill let you know how it turns out. And the condescension Cathy experienced from the health services administrator left her in tears. There was this idea that being trans and a person of color made my story less relatable when it wasnt 'in season'. "The other option would be to say, 'Oh, transgender people are evil. The church is the only institution whose main purpose is to do life together, search for meaning together, celebrate lifes milestones of together, and band together to care for others. It is hate speech at its worst. "She said transgender," Jonathan said, referring to his father. My hope is that one day people will be able to look past things that don't really affect a person's abilities, and judge them on what they are capable of instead of their appearance. no hate here.". I worked hard on the book. At 45 years old I became the woman I am today. I always chuckle when I read impassioned commentary about gender presentation. ", Paula went on to state: "I do not care about their (evangelicals') brand of orthodoxy. Ive given up on thinking of life as any destination, any Ithaca. I wrestled with it, and threw out three times as much material as appears in the final edit. She stays at the house when the kids and grandkids are in town. The transgender community is extremely resilient, we have lived through some horrific shared experiences. Terry Schilling, president of the organization, was asked if their opposition will stop with bans on medical care for adolescents. Thankfully, protections are emerging so we don't depend on folks deciding to "do the right thing.". Danny Lavery welcomes Paula Stone Williams, an internationally known speaker on gender equity, LGBTQ advocacy, and religious tolerance. That pleases me greatly. And I know that it's selfish of me to ask this of you, but please stay here. People are still reading Homers Odyssey, all the works of William Shakespeare, and even the Apostle Johns stunningly mystical Book of Revelation. Ive been working on the talk for months. The pastor and author shares reflections on the things she learned about gender equity after becoming her most authentic self. The cost has been high. I understand that I will continue to face hate and discrimination probably for the rest of my life. We live in an imperfect world in which everyone bears untold burdens. Now I am not afraid to speak up, be visible, and engage in life. Some struggles are obvious to all, but most are privately endured. I'm lucky enough to tell my story and become a resource to communities such as high schools, parents, and even youth who are questioning themselves. I discovered that God didn't need to fix me. Since my doctorate is in pastoral counseling, this should be good news for my profession. Add to that the fact that someone took it upon themselves to inform the Bay Shore, Long Island school district that our marital status should be researched, and you realize there are a lot of people out there who want to make my life difficult. I can only imagine how parents with transgender children must feel. Isn't it time I showed love to myself? I'd stop crying and come down and I'd preach and be really glad and say hi to everybody, and then I'd get home and go to sleep. I am usually reading at least two books at the same time. As my body changed, my mind changed for the better. It might have been good if SBF had read a few books, like maybe on how not to break the law. Over 60 percent of evangelicals believe transgender people already have too many civil rights, yet only 25 percent have actually met someone who is out as a transgender person. TED Conferences, LLC. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are telling the world that we are part of all societies and will settle for nothing less than respect. I think about the transgender people who now attend or have attended Envision Community Church (formerly Left Hand Church) in Longmont. Even with the loss of my family, you know what, I'm very happy and accepted who I have become. When did I want it? We take spiders outside and wish them well on their journey. Or maybe I give up the idea of doing a talk altogether and my granddaughters collectively give one on how theyve been ruined by having a grandparent who is transgender. Thirty-one percent of transgender teens have attempted suicide, compared to 11 percent of their cis peers. Im not ready to write another book. They are people I never would have thought would read it. Years passed and I met more transgender people, some of whom became best friends. Nevertheless, people get upset. Language that encourages radicals to pursue genocide cannot be tolerated. But I make it work. Like, this is miserable. We have lived authentically and conscientiously, but there is pain and sorrow. By comparison, they introduced only 20 in 2018. She is here three days a week seeing clients. Their doctrinal positions are based on a very narrow type of hermeneutics and exegesis best described as literalism or originalism. I'm still a die-hard optimist about what the future of transgender inclusion will look like for future generations. I read novels on airplanes, and before I go to sleep at night. Jung also said life is a luminous pause between two great mysteries. Ive found my role models now in communities and coalitions of other trans women of color, who have been continual inspiration for resistance, healing, organizing, and thriving. Being disowned by my entire family, last year, hasn't deterred me from being a fighter in all senses of the word. The evangelical circles she'd dedicated her life to as a man rejected her as a trans woman. Even my father, once transphobic, now calls me son. My gender is not that simple. Eventually, she became CEO of the "church-planting" organization. I wanted to be married to Cathy for life. Do they get how self-limiting their lives are? In the clinic, I worked with substance abusers and taught about denial, but would go home and cry myself to sleep knowing I was living a lie of my own. I never fit in with anything towards the female stereotype. I preached in some of the biggest megachurches in America. It is not as bad as the horrible misogyny of fundamentalist Muslims in Afghanistan, nor as bad as a fictional America in Margaret Atwoods The Handmaids Tale, but its bad enough. I miss my old home and the many things I lost, but I wouldn't trade what I gained for any of that, now. Texas has introduced over 100 bills in 2023 restricting transgender rights. I have not started transitioning, yet I do try to make myself happier by appearing more feminine. I was reading an article last week that said people are no longer attending religious services, but they are reaching out for the help of a spiritual director or pastoral counselor. It is time to walk through the door of the place that looks like it has been expecting you. The two-hour drive home was in silence. Women should not be given agency over their own bodies.

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